Clerks
by JustyP
Summary: Inuyasha is a store clerk going nowhere in life. On his day off he's forced to come into work. The day gets worse: One ex is dead, another engaged and his current girlfriend keeps pressuring him to go to college. He's not even supposed to be there today!
1. INUYASHA

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Clerks. The question is…what do I want more?

So I love the movie clerks…it's amazing! Anyway this weekend I was thinking aobut it and many of the characters personalities from Clerks and Inuyasha could be paralleled.

Here is the list so far of characters:

Inuyasha - Dante

Miroku - Randall

Kagome - Veronica

Kikyo - Caitlin

That's all I have so far and I'm going to try and incorporate Sango into it. Also I need Jay and Silent Bob…any suggestions?

Anyway…on with it!

**INUYASHA**

Inuyasha let the phone ring a few times before picking up. He wondered who would be calling him at the ungodly hour of five in the morning, especially on his day off from work. He unraveled himself from the mess of covers on the floor and then picked up reluctantly, still half asleep.

"Who the hell is this?" Inuyasha said rudely. He didn't care. It was five in the fucking morning.

It was the manager of the convenience store Inuyasha worded at. He had an appointment and needed Inuyasha to cover for him.

"What? No fucking way. It's my day off…I have a hockey game at two!" He exclaimed.

"Look Inuyasha I need you to open the store."

"No way…let Ren do it."

"Inuyasha I'm asking you to do it ok."

"But I closed last night!" Inuyasha whined.

"And you did a really good job! Congratulations! Now go open it this morning." He said with sarcastic enthusiasm.

"Damn you. When are you coming in?"

"Twelve."

"Swear, swear you'll be there by twelve." Inuyasha insisted. He didn't want to be stuck.

"I gotta go."

"Swear Dammit!"

"I'll be in at twelve. I'll talk to you later." He said exasperated and hung up.

"Hello? Hello?" There was no answer. Inuyasha threw his phone across the room angrily and got up. "Fucking piece of shit." He sighed and starting getting dressed.

He brushed his teeth and took a good look in the mirror. There were bags under his eyes and his long hair was a complete mess. He put on a baseball cap to cover it up and headed out the door.

Inuyasha got in his old, beaten up car and drove to the Quick Stop.

* * *

The first thing Inuyasha is supposed to do is go into the shop and make sure the inventory is correct. Inuyasha was a believer of bad omens and once he saw there were no newspapers in the store he decided today would suck.

"I'm not even supposed to be here today!" He groaned to himself and headed outside.

He went to the nearest newspaper vending machine. He put in the quarter and instead of taking one like a good citizen of Japan would he took all of them and put it in the store to pass it as Quick Stop merchandise.

After making sure everything was in the right place Inuyasha went to open the metal shudders outside. Of course they were jammed. He groaned and headed inside for a large poster and marker. He brought it back out and hung a large sign over the jammed shutters that said:

**I ASSURE YOU WE'RE OPEN!!**

After that he headed inside and officially opened the store. He went to his post behind the counter and stuck another sign on the cash register saying: LET US KNOW IF YOU'RE SHPLIFTING and then he put his head down, still exhausted and frustrated.

He knew today was going to suck, but he had no idea how out of hand it would get.

I know it's short, but I'm going by the basic format of the movie…there are certain breaks made in the movie and I'm following that…so deal!

* * *

Anyway I hope you're liking so far.

Also to people who have seen Clerks…I'm still deciding who should Jay and Silent Bob…any suggestions?


	2. VILIFICATION

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Clerks WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXPLICIT DIALOGUE!

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**DeathRose105**- Thanks for waiting patiently!

**PinkCatsy**- It's a great movie! I totally recommend it!

**TiffanyM**- Yay! Sorry I took so long…

**animeroxmywurld**- Don't worry, I gave Hojo the best part ever! And the most random characters got to be Jay and Silent Bob…I think it works though.

Sorry I took a while to update…I was almost going to delete it. Oh man this is so long…I'm starting to change around the wording a little…it's still really close to the script, but I'm gonna keep making changes. ENJOY! VILIFICATION

**VILIFICATION**

Inuyasha hoped and begged to the gods that this morning would go smoothly for him. It was only seven-thirty and he still had work until twelve. Only four and half hours to go and then he would be free at last.

Unfortunately the day hit it's first bump with Inuyasha's first customer. A man with a scruffy beard in a suit bought coffee before heading off to work.

"Thanks man. Mind if I drink this here?" The customer said.

"Yeah sure." Inuyasha said and leaned over the counter.

The next customer was a teenager came into the store and asked for a pack of cigarettes.

Inuyasha went to get a pack when the first customer spoke up.

"Are you sure about that kid?" He asked randomly.

"Am I sure about what?" He asked puzzled.

"Do you really wanna buy those death sticks?" He said and picked up his suitcase.

"Oh crap." Inuyasha said to himself.

"How long have you been smoking?" The man asked.

"Huh?" The teen still looked confused.

"How long have you been smoking?"

"What is this a poll?" The kid asked annoyed to Inuyasha

Inuyasha shrugged and the man spoke again.

"How long you been smoking?"

"Uh…since I was about twelve why?"

The man put on gloves. Inuyasha slapped his forehead. It wasn't even eight yet and this was happening to him.

"Twelve." The man shook his head disapprovingly. "Let's see you're about nineteen now right?" He took out a strange object from the suitcase and laid it out on the counter.

"What in the hell is that?" The boy asked.

"That's your lung!" He pointed at it. "By this time your lung looks like this." He put his gloves away and clapped imaginary dust off his hands.

"You're shitting me." The kid said, staring at the blackened lung.

"You think I'm shitting you. Here." He handed something else to him. "This is a trake ring. It's what they install in your throat when you lose your voice box to throat cancer. This one is from a sixty year old man." He said nonchalantly.

The kid threw it out of his hands, disgusted.

"He used to smoke until he died." The man continued. "he even smoked out of this thing."

By this time Inuyasha was fed up. He hated smoking and smokers, but he had to make a living somehow and this guy wasn't helping.

"Excuse me sir…" Inuyasha started, but the man cut him off again.

"This is where your heading buddy. Black lungs, smoking through a hole in your throat…you really want that kid?" He said.

"Well if it's already too late…" He started and pick up the carton.

"It's never too late. Put the cigs back." He took the cigarettes out of the teen's hands and put it on the counter. "And try some gum instead." He took a pack of gum and handed it to him.

"It's not the same." The teen said, still unconvinced.

"It's cheaper though, and it doesn't do this." He handed him a picture.

"Oh Jesus." Was the kid's reaction.

"That's a cancer ridden lung." The kid gave another disgusted look and tried to hand it back. "No keep it."

The teen sighed. "I'll just take the gum."

Inuyasha shrugged and gave him the price for the gum. The kid gave him the money and shoved the gum in his pocket.

"Wise choice. Keep up the good work." He grinned and took another sip of coffee.

The kid nodded and left the store.

Inuyasha leaned over the counter. "Look sir, if you're gonna keep drinking the coffee I think you should to it outside."

"No…I think I'll drink it in here." He challenged.

"Whatever if you're gonna drink it in here then I'd appreciate if you'd stop bothering the customers." He asked as nicely as possible.

"Ok, fair enough." He said and began to put his stuff away.

"Can I get a back of cigarettes?" Another customer asked upon walking in. "What's that?" He said looking at the black lung as the man tried to put it away.

The man in the suit smiled.

"This? How long have you been smoking?"

Inuyasha groaned. _That douche..._

* * *

Outside of the store two people stood in front of the store to begin their daily ritual of loitering and selling drugs.

The first was a tall guy with bright blue eyes, a brown ponytail and baggy clothes. He took a swig from his can of beer and paced around waiting for customers.

The other was a girl, covered in a large black coat and wore a white backwards baseball cap. When she got to her post and just stood there, waiting patiently and began smoking a cigarette.

The guy began jumping around and passed the beer to the girl.

"Oh yeah! Let's get ready to kiss some ass!" He did some fake punching while the girl simply rolled her eyes.

**KOUGA**

**&**

**SILENT SANGO**

"You know…I feel good today Silent Sango!" Kouga started. "We're gonna make some money…then with that we'll go party and get some pussy…I'll fuck this bitch, that bitch…anything that moves!"

Sango stared and him and took a drag.

"Fine…we'll get you some dick too. I mean I'd prefer it if you got pussy instead that would be awesome…" He was cut off when Sango pointing inside the convenience store.

"What? What you pointed at Silent Sango…whatever man we've got other stuff to do. That guy over there owes me ten bucks. I say we beat that mother's ass and make him suck dick…you know he'll get down." Kouga got down to demonstrate and began bobbing his head. "He'll suck dick like a seal man…"

As usual Sango had no idea what he was saying. She took another few drags and sighed. A few horns honked at Kouga's lewd gestures and one person called him a fag. He took it personally and went into homophobic mode.

"I'm no fag. You're the faggot! I hate men and love women!" He tried to grab Sango's ass, but she stepped away, avoiding it. "Just not this one, she's like my sister yo…"

Meanwhile a 'customer' walked up to them. He seemed clean cut, but wore sunglasses to cover his red, glassy, stoned eyes.

"Hey Hojo." Kouga said.

* * *

"You're probably spending more money on cigarettes than you do on groceries am I right?" The jackass out to save people from lung cancer said, rolling up his sleeves.

"Yeah…maybe two weeks worth." A man mumbled.

"Are people fucking serious! Can you imagine paying someone to kill you in a slow, painful death? That's what you're doing now, by paying for this so-called privilege to smoke!"

"We're all gonna die anyway." One defiant person said.

"That's the mentality that allows those cancer starters to thrive!"

"Yeah!" One man called out.

"Of course we'll all die one day! We don't have to pay money for it! Oh please merchant of death!" He pointed dramatically at poor Inuyasha. "Please take my money and give me stuff that'll stink up my breath and clothes, ruin my lungs and ultimately kill me!"

As he yelled this, his voice loud and clear enough to be head outside, Kouga and Silent Sango began to smoke more.

"You think it's ok for this guy over here to be sleeing this because of orders." He said still talking about Inuyasha, who was freaking out. "I'll tell you about others who followed orders to kill blindly. The Nazi's! This man is a fucking nazi…people who wiped millions off of the earth, just like cigarettes are doing now!"

Meanwhile Kouga and Silent Sango continued to smoke.

"Please leave." Inuyasha said quietly.

"You want me to leave? 'Cause I'm telling it like it is? Someone who's trying to save these fine people's lives?"

"Yeah!" They all yelled supporting him.

"No. You're loitering and causing a disturbance!" Inuyasha yelled.

"You're the disturbance." He threw some money at him. "Here I'll take some gum…there now I'm a customer and not a loiterer. Now I'll continue ok." He said smugly.

"Yeah you big cocksucker!" Yelled a customer.

"You see he's scared! He gets it, he's source and don't worry! We'll close you guys down man! And we'll get your ass for this."

Inuyasha gulped. _I'm not even supposed to be here today…_

And then a girl walked through the door. Her eyes widened listening to the jackass verbally berate her the poor clerk. She decided she needed to take action and thought of something.

Soon enough the smokers were now siding with the anti-smoker guy and were throwing their cigarettes at him chanting:

"CANCER MERCHANT! CANCER MERCHANT!"

They were all interrupted when someone sprayed them with a fire extinguisher. They all looked up coughing and saw a beautiful girl holding the fire extinguisher, with the smoke flying all around her.

Inuyasha smiled. _Kagome. _She looked heavenly.

The men all began to disband, but the Kagome was out to find the culprit.

"Ok you stupid little sheep…who's the ring leader here?" She asked, giving the customers a looked that could kill.

"That guy!" The men all pointed to the man in the suit.

He started sneaking away, but Kagome grabbed him by his shirt.

"Hold it right there buster!"

The man sighed and stopped, knowing he was caught.

"Who are you anyway? Let me see some credentials…" She held out her hand. The man frowned and took out his card and handed it to her. Her eyes widened. "You're a Chewey's gum representative!" She exclaimed.

"Yes…" He admitted.

"You jerk! You don't care about these people's lives…you're just here to advertise aren't you?"

He nodded.

"Get out of here!" The pushed him out of the store and then turned to the customers. "And you guys…don't you have jobs! Go please and maybe think about what you're doing the next time you decide to pelt an innocent guy with cigarettes!" She said. The men listened and left the store, embarrassed.

Inuyasha smiled at Kagome who joined him behind the counter and gave a sigh of relief.

"So…having a good morning?" Kagome grinned and gave her boyfriend a kiss.

"Ahem…" One of the customers who hadn't left cleared throat. Inuyasha turned around as the guy put money on the counter. "Uh…can I get a pack of cigarettes?"

Inuyasha angrily gave him the pack.

Inuyasha decided to take refuge sitting behind the counter. Kagome joined him.

"Don't beat yourself up Inuyasha…" She put her arm around him.

"I just feel so violated…they fucking threw cigarettes at me!"

"At least they weren't lit…" She joked.

"God…I'm not even supposed to be here today!" He sighed. "I hate this job."

"I know. I came by your house this morning. Your mom said you left before six…I think you should quit and go back to school."

"Kagome…"

"Come on Inuyasha. You're always saying how much you hate this place…look there's a seminar at my school on Monday. I want you to go…it's for people who want to go back into the school system."

"Look, I don't wanna talk about this right now ok?" He said exasperated. It seemed that all Kagome wanted to talk about was school.

"Fine." She said slightly annoyed. "Don't you have a hockey game at two?"

"Yeah…the manager called in sick, but he's coming at twelve. Doesn't matter. I didn't get sleep anyway…"

Kagome went behind him and gave him a shoulder rub.

* * *

Ten minutes later Inuyasha left a sign on the counter saying "PLEASE LEAVE MONEY ON THE COUNTER. TAKE CHANGE WHEN NEEDED. BE HONEST!"

"You're so trusting. How do you know they wont steal anything?" Kagome said as Inuyasha painted nail polish on her fingernails.

Inuyasha still had no idea how she got him to do that.

"It's a weird situation for them. That cant take the trust and think someone is actually watching them…" He explained.

"Honesty through paranoia…nice." She laughed. "Hey you think anyone can see us down here?"

"Why wanna have sex?"

"Can we please?"

"Seriously?" Inuyasha's ears twitched.

"I was kidding." She sighed.

"Tease. You know you love it with me..." He smirked.

"Typical guy response." She rolled her eyes.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You think just because I like having sex with you it means you're some sort of sex god…I mean guys pride yourself on how well you do in the bedroom…what about what girls do for you." Said Kagome, the college feminist.

"That's the difference. Girls don't need to make the effort for a guy to come. A girl on the other hand, now that's tough."

"Bull."

"I serious…all guys need is a big enough opening, preferably wet."

"You're disgusting."

"I'm right."

"I'm insulted. You just diminished my role in OUR sex life."

"I'm just making a generalization on the few women who were goodly enough to sleep with me…"

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"How many girls have you slept with?"

"Didn't we discuss this already?

"Maybe…I'm not sure refresh my memory…"

"Fine. Including you?"

She shoved him. "Yes, up to and including me."

Inuyasha sighed. "Twelve."

"You pig!" She hit him. "Do you know how many guys I've slept with?"

"Do I get to hit you when you tell me?"

"Three guys Inuyasha! Including you!"

"That's it?"

"Yeah…because it's special to me Inuyasha…you're such a man-slut! You owe me big after dropping such a bombshell…"

"What could you possibly want from me?"

"Go to the seminar." She said.

"Dammit Kagome. How do you manage to bring up school every time we talk. I'm getting sick of it!"

"Ok…I'm outta here." Kagome said standing up. "I have a class in forty-five minutes anyway.

"Come on Kagome…"

"We'll talk later…oh!" She noticed a guy by the counter. It was the same one who bought drugs from Kouga and Silent Sango. "Hey Hojo." She smiled and seemed to know him.

"Oh hey Higurashi! How've ya been? Do you work here?" He said in an ultra chirpy tone.

Inuyasha wondered what the two local lowlives sold him outside.

"No...just visiting my guy." She smiled and hugged Inuyasha's arm. "This is Inuyasha, my boyfriend…"

"Cool. I'll just take some gum. So where have you been Kags?"

"I transferred schools to stay with Inuyasha. I was tried of missing him." She smiled.

"Wow that's beautiful!" Hojo exclaimed. "You still talk to Ayumi?"

"We get together on weekends."

"Cool. Well I'll let you two lovebirds be! Nice seeing you! Take care Kagome!" He smiled and headed toward the door.

"Yeah you too!" She smiled. "That's snowball…" Kagome whispered to Inuyasha as Hojo bumped into the door and then finally left.

"Why?"

"Ayumi made it up…he has this weird fetish…when a girl goes down on him…he likes the sperm spit back into his mouth…it's called snowballing…"

Inuyasha gave her a grossed out look. "Wow…Ayumi is up for anything."

"Ayumi? No…Ayumi didn't do that to him."

"Then how did she know?"

"I…I did." She said sheepishly.

"That was one of the two guys you had sex with?" He gave her another disgusted look.

"No way…I only went down on him." She said, also disgusted with the idea of sex with Hojo.

"That's still sex Kagome!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"No it's not!"

"Sure it is!"

"It's not a big deal Inuyasha." She looked down.

'Wait a minute…how many guys have you gone down on?"

"I don't know…"

"WHAT? Are you counting?" He looked at Kagome who was counting silently with her fingers. "FUCK! How many Kagome?"

"GIMME A SECOND!" She yelled.

Meanwhile a customer came up to buy some coffee. The two quieted down until she left.

"So how many?"

"Thirty-six…" She said quietly.

"INCLUDING ME?"

She sighed. "Thirty-seven."

"THIRTY-SEVEN? HOLY SHIT!"

Kagome shook her head and walk away. Another customer came up.

"Can you believe that…" Inuyasha said to the customer. "My girlfriend sucked thrity-seven dicks!"

"In a row?" The guy asked.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and went after Kagome. "Where are you going?"

"You stupid jerk! Until today you didn't even care how many guys I slept with and act all nonchalant about fucking twelve girls! I didn't even have more than three!"

"But you sucked a lot of dick Kagome!"

"Sure I went down a few guys…" She said.

"A FEW?"

"And one of them was you. The last guy by the way. I've been faithful to you since we started dating! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Stop making me out to be the town whore because you were equally if not more busy when you met me!"

"Why'd you have to suck their dick? Why couldn't you just sleep with them like a normal, decent person?"

"Because it's not like sex which is a huge deal for me…god! I only slept with the guys I loved. I love you Inuyasha."

"I feel sick…every time we'll kiss I'll know I'm kissing thirty-six dicks…"

"Ugh! I can't deal with you! Maybe you'll start making sense when I get back from school." She shook her head and left the store.

"HEY!" He called out to her as she walked to the car. "TRY NOT TO SUCK ANY DICK BEFORE YOU GET TO YOUR CAR!"

Kouga heard the yelling out of context and started walking toward her.

"Kouga one more step and I'll beat the living shit out of you." Inuyasha growled.

Kouga retreated back to his post with Silent Sango who rolled her eyes.

* * *

This was so long…you guys better review!


	3. MIROKU

Diclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Dental School.

**Thanks for the Reviews!**

**PinkCatsy**- Thanks…yeah I decided to try another few chapter…hopefully it'll pick up.

**TiffanyM**- Haha! I know right!

**animeroxmywurld**- Haha…yeah I made very odd choices, but it'll work in my favor soon enough…and as for the details…I agree…haha

Sorry for the long update…ENJOY!

**MIROKU**

Inuyasha glanced at the clock. It was 11:15. Only forty-five minutes until his sweet freedom would arrive. He smiled happily at the thought. Unfortunately a grump old man interrupted these happy thoughts by slamming a videocassette on the counter.

"The video store is supposed to be open at eleven you know!" He grumbled. "It's already fifteen past!"

"I already called his house old man. He's on his way." Inuyasha answered, hating that he constantly had to deal with Miroku's unhappy customers.

"The job isn't so demanding you know…it would be nice if all I had to do in my job was sit on my ass and watch movies all day! You know the other day I came in and caught him sleeping on the job! Can you believe it! What an asshole!"

"I'm sure he wasn't sleeping…" Inuyasha said, defending his friend.

"Are you calling me a liar?" The man asked offended.

"No…um just saying he was probably resting his eyes…"

"What from his hectic job. He ain't no air traffic controller or anything." The man said trying to prove a point.

"Actually that's his night job." Inuyasha grinned.

"So you think you're the shit right?" The man started. "You're just some wiseass punk and that's why you're working a dinky little convenience store like the little shit you are instead of holding a good, steady job." He pointed to the cassette. "Here. Just give this to him with this note, has all of my info on it. Can you remember that? Oh and I'll be getting my movies at Big Choice from now on…" He gave a condescending smile as he left.

Inuyasha watched him leave and smirked. "Oh hey mister you forgot your keys…" He said in a singsong voice to himself and threw the set of keys in the trash with out a second thought.

He walked over to the front of the video store to see a tall, pretty girl with short, curly hair waiting in front.

"Hey pretty lady. What's happening?" He gave a sleazy grin.

"Don't waste your time scumbag. I like women." She said quickly.

"You did look kinda butch…" She gave him a look. "Still I'm cool with that…sometimes I prefer just watching than to doing."

She gave him another look. "Do you mind? Or are you going to loiter some more?"

"Actually I'm here to rent a movie." He said.

"Well I get dibs on my movie. I've been here since eleven." She exclaimed.

"Really? Wow. Now that's commitment!" He feigned being impressed.

"Yeah well the asshole who runs this place is late. I'm so pissed right now!" She frowned and crossed her arms.

"You're right! That Damn asshole!" He kicked the dirt. "God! I hate it when I can't rent movies!"

"I'll say. Anyway I've been waiting patiently. I would have gone to Big Choice, but the movie I want is write there in the window." She said.

"Really what movie?"

"Dental school." She pointed to the video.

"No way! That's the movie I wanted." He said sounding disappointed.

"Well too bad. It's mine."

"No." He said.

"No?"

"I'll be renting that today. Not you."

"But I was their first!" She whined. "Don't be a douche!"

"Sorry, but it's what I want."

"No way asshole. Not if I get to the movie first."

"Really? Wanna bet? I bet you I'll get it first. If I'm right you give me a hand job." He dared.

"You're on!" She held out her hand, knowing he couldn't possibly win anyway.

He shook it and noticed her firm grip. "Wow what a hand shake! You really are a Butch Cassidy…" He grinned at his silly little movie pun. The girl rolled her eyes.

Miroku walked down the sidewalk and entered the Quick Stop. He noticed Inuyasha, who wasn't supposed to be there today, sitting at the counter.

"Hey man. What you doing here?"

"The manager called sick. I'm only here for a half-hour longer."

"Why are the shutters still down?" He asked, noting the strange 'I ASSURE YOU WE'RE OPEN!' sign that covered up most of the shutters.

"Someone stuck gum down there." Inuyasha sighed.

"The savages in this town…" Miroku whistled.

"That's what I said!"

"Anyway if I had known you were here I probably would have come earlier."

That's when Inuyasha chucked the cassettes annoyed customers gave to him at Miroku who dodged them all and them picked them up from the floor.

"Touchy! Touchy!" He gave a lazy smile. "By the way it smells like shoe polish in here." He called out as he left the store.

Miroku walked back to the door of his own store where the girl sat on the ground waiting for the owner to come and open the store. She looked up at him and he simply smiled and took out his keys. The girl looked at him in horror when he unlocked the door and headed inside. Miroku sighed and held up the door for her.

_I hope she'll still give me that hand job… _He smiled to himself.

She pouted at him and walked through the door defeated.

* * *

I know it's incredibly short, but I felt I needed to churn out something tonight.

The next chapter should be longer! I'll try!


	4. SYNTAX

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha or memorable quotes and plots from Clerks.

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**PinkCatsy**- Haha yeah…

**TiffanyM**- That's what I'd like to call character continuity!

**animeroxmywurld**- Indeed!

**love-is-poison39**- Yay! You can stop running now…

**WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE**

**SYNTAX**

Miroku walked into the store happily and leaned against the counter.

"Yo Inuyasha. So some guy just came in refusing to pay his late fees. Said the store was closed for three hours. I took his membership and ripped it up."

"You really shouldn't be given this kind of authority." Inuyasha stated, not feeling completely shocked at his friend's actions.

"I believe in the ruling class, meaning that I rule. Want a drink?" He said walking over to the drinks. "I'm buying."

"Nah I'm good." Inuyasha said.

"Anyway why who were you talking to at two in morning? I was trying to reach you for a half hour. Perchance a kinky conversation with Kinky Kagome…" Miroku gave his trademark sleazy grin.

"No. Trust me you don't want to know." Inuyasha sighed and then added menacingly, "And if you ever refer to Kagome in that manner ever again and rip your throat out."

Miroku gulped. "Got yeah." He took a sip and then looked up at Inuyasha. "Wait a minute! You called Kikyo again didn't you?"

"She called me."

"Did you tell Kagome?" Miroku asked, raising his brows.

"One fight a day with Kagome is enough to make me crazy, so naturally I tend to avoid that topic."

"What did you fight about this time?"

"School. The fact that I'm the biggest asshole on the planet…"

"But most of the time it's about Kikyo?"

"Unfortunately." Inuyasha frowned.

"Forget that ho'. You've been dating Kagome for how long?"

"Seven months."

"She's awesome. The girl is crazy about you. How long were you with Kikyo?" He asked, grabbing a newspaper.

"Five years." Inuyasha stressed.

"That girl is crazy. Period. Total whore too. How many times did she cheat on you?" He inquired, flipping through the paper.

"Eight in a half." He sighed.

"Slut." Then he looked up from his paper, puzzled. "Wait…eight in half?"

"That party at Yura's senior year. I got blitzed and headed into her bedroom to pass out. Then all of a sudden Kikyo comes in the room and jumps on top of me…"

"How's that cheating?"

"Then in the middle she calls me Bankotsu."

"She called you Bankotsu?"

"She called me Bankotsu." Inuyasha sighed.

"That's not cheating. People say all sorts of crazy shit during sex. There was this one time I called a girl mom." Miroku said, shuddering at the memory.

Inuyasha chose to ignore Miroku's comment and continued. "I then turn on the light and she freaks. Turns out she thought I was Bankotsu."

"What do you mean?"

"She made plans to meet up with him. She went to the wrong room. She didn't even know I was at the party."

"Oh. My. God." Miroku's mouth dropped.

"Great story right?" Inuyasha crossed his arms.

"That girl was despicable." Miroku shook his head.

"Interesting postscript to that story. Do you who ended up in that dark room with Bankotsu?"

"Your mom?"

"Jakotsu."

"The chess team captain? No fucking way…"

"They moved to some rural town down south. They raise sheep together."

"That's frightening."

"We're living in a modern world man. Get used to it."

"I still stand by my comment that this woman is and will always be a crazy ho'." Miroku stated. "After just hearing this colorful tale I still can't see how you can romanticize your relationship with lady Kikyo. She broke your heart in the most embarrassing ways and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles."

"We still had a good relationship." Inuyasha piped up.

"Oh really?" Miroku narrowed his eyes.

"Aside from the cheating we were a great couple. Isn't that was high school was about anyway? Algebra, bad lunch and infidelity?"

"You think it's really gonna change between you too?"

"Kikyo's different now. When she calls me she's vulnerable and sweet. She's scared about starting a new life after college…"

"Oh shit. I forgot to replace an order." Miroku said, suddenly realizing.

"Fine just ignore me…"

"No, go on I'm listening. By the way you're an asshole."

Inuyasha once again chose to ignore Miroku's quips.

"Luckily I'll be here to comfort her when she realizes it's all to much. Then we'll enter a new phase in our relationship." Inuyasha smiled, thinking his plan to be ingenious.

"And where's Kagome in all of this?"

"I think all my arguments with Kagome is my subconscious telling me I need to get out of the relationship to pursue a more meaningful one with Kikyo." Inuyasha answered with out hesitation.

"And Kikyo is totally with you on this?" Miroku asked, looking at his paper.

"Of course she is."

"Then I think you four should sit down and talk about all this."

"Huh?"

"You, Kagome, Kikyo…" Miroku said laying down the paper and pointing to a headline in the weddings section. "And Kikyo's fiancée…"

The headline read:

**KIKYO ****HARUNO TO MARRY SWEDISH DESIGNER**

Inuyasha's eyes widened.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

* * *

After a successful escape from Inuyasha's emotional raving at the store Miroku was for once doing his job.

"Hey I'd like to place an order please…yeah it's Miroku…thanks." He said on the phone.

A woman carrying her daughter walked up to the counter.

"Excuse me sir? I was trying to find this video tape my daughter just loves, but I can't seem to find it anywhere…"

"What are you looking for?"

She smiled at her daughter. "The happy, scrappy hero pup!"

"You know, I'm on the phone with my distributor right now. I'll at it to my list hold on…" He said getting back onto the phone. "I need one each of the following tapes: Whisper in the Wind, To Each His Own, Put it Where It Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, All Tit-Fucking, Volume Eight, I Need Your Cock, Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers, My Cunt and Eight Shafts, Cum Clean, Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts, Cum Buns Three, Cumming in a Sock, Cum on Eileen, Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum, Slam It Up My Too-Loose Ass, Ass Blasters in Outer Space, Blowjobs by Betsy, Sucking Cock and Cunt, Finger My Ass, Play with my Puss, Three on a Dildo, Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt, Men Alone Two-The K.Y. Connection, Pink Pussy Lips, and All Holes Filled with Hard Cock. Oh, and..." He looked at the mother. "What movie did you want again?"

The mother looked at him horrified and said, "The happy, scrappy hero pup…"

"The happy, scrappy hero pup." He said into the phone with a smile. "Yeah that's all, thanks again." He hung up and looked at the horrified woman. "Your order will be in on Monday."

"Thank you." She said quickly.

Then after a moment of silence…

"CUNT!" The little girl squealed with delight.

* * *

Inuyasha had just cleaned the litter box and was about to put it in the bathroom when he decided this Kikyo thing was killing him. He set the little box on the counter and ran to the phone and called the newspaper.

"Yes, I'd like to check on a misprint in today's edition...Today's edition...It says "Kikyo Hurano to Wed Swedish Designer...No, no; everything's spelled fine. I just wanted to know if the piece was a misprint...I don't know, like a typographical error or something..."

Meanwhile a customer was waiting at the counter. Suddenly the store cat, Buyo jumped into the litter box.

"Maybe it's supposed to be Kikyo Hirano, or Kikyo Kurano...I'm a curious party...A curious party...ok fine you got me!" Inuyasha argued defensively. I'm an ex-boyfriend...Well, it's just that we talk all the time, and she never mentioned this engagement, which is why I'm thinking maybe it's a misprint..."

The customer watched in disgust as the cat started to take a dump right then and there.

"...Are you sure? Maybe there's like a vindictive printer working for you... Meaning like someone who maybe-I don't know-asked her out once and got shot down, and his revenge is throwing this bogus article in when the paper went to press...Hello? Hello?" The man hung up on him. Inuyasha put the phone back, defeated.

Inuyasha looked at the paper once more and then looked up, sniffing the air.

Kouga and Silent Sango were leaning against the wall with Silent Sango's little brother Kohaku.

"So she told me to pull out. I'm like, are you fucking serious? But whatever, I didn't wanna risk it either…so I end up going all on her belly…anyway I get all my stuff together just as my uncle walks in. It was a close one that time man. Still totally worth the risk…I don't care if she's my cousin…" Kouga grinned, retelling yet another one of his sickening bedroom tales.

Silent Sango looked at him with pure disgust.

"Fuck you Sango! I'm doing it again tonight!"

Then a read head joined them.

"Well, well, well. Look who it is, Ayame, my favorite one night stand."

"Jerk!" Ayame stuck out her tongue. "What are you doing anyway?"

"Just chillin' with Sango and her little brother Kohaku. The kid just spent five years in a mental hospital."

"You're shitting me." She said crossing her arms.

"I'm not. I swear, right Sango?"

Silent Sango nodded.

"See! And she's never told a lie in her life!"

"Whatever."

"Anyway this kid is the shit, he's moving to the big city, he wants to be a heavy metal rock star."

"NO WAY!" Ayame exclaimed starry-eyed.

"I speak the truth. Kohaku. METAL!" He ordered.

Kohaku scrunched up his face angrily.

"That's his metal face. Pretty sweet am I right? So Kohaku…girl nice?" He said pointing to Ayame.

Kohaku looked Ayame and down.

"Skrelnick!" He said with a wide smile.

"What the hell did he just say?" Ayame gave Kouga a look.

"I don't know…he's a character. He did just get out of the hospital after all."

Ayame rolled her eyes. "This is total BS. I can tell."

"Ok Kohaku, sing her some of your crazy shit." Kouga leaned against the wall.

Kohaku began singing into his empty soda bottle as a fake microphone.

"_MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK_

_BERSERKER! WOULD YOU LIKE SOME_

_MAKING FUCK? BERSERKER!"_

"This is fucking awesome!" Kouga laughed.

"Did he just say making fuck?" Ayame said making a face.

"I told you…this kid's a fucking psychopath. Ok Kohaku now sing the next verse for the pretty lady…"

Kohaku nodded and continued.

"_MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A ROCK_

_BERSERKER! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SMOKE_

_SOME POT? BERSERKER!"_

* * *

Miroku decided to take another break and headed over to Inuyasha. He walked past Kohaku as he sung his strange song to a growing crowd of people, seemingly unfazed.

When Miroku walked in he saw Inuyasha trying to pull a can of Pringles off of a man's wrist.

"Ok, balance yourself on the counter I'll pull on three." Inuyasha said.

"This never happened before. I usually turn the can upside down…" The man said, embarrassed as the situation.

"Maybe we should oil up your hand or something? They really ought to put a warning on these cans…" Inuyasha said as he struggled to pull the can off.

"Like cigarettes!" The man cheerily offered.

"Yeah that's it! I think it's coming off now!" He said and pulled off the can quickly.

The now free man rubbed his hand and smiled.

"Thanks so much! I thought I'd have to go to the hospital!"

"Well I hope that now you've learned your lesson: sometimes you've just got to let those hard to reach chips go…" Inuyasha advised, getting back behind the counter.

"Thanks!" The cheerful man said and left.

Miroku shrugged at the situation and approached Inuyasha.

"Miroku…the article was real! Kikyo is really getting married!"

"You know what I just watched?"

"Me pulling a can off of a guy?"

"Death Note."

"Who the fuck cares…Kikyo's getting married!"

"Which character was the evil one? L or Light."

"Light. Clearly."

"Blasphemy!"

"What the fuck are you saying…he not only got corrupted by his power, but he used the Death Note to kill people in his way…what did L do?"

"Well, L wasn't doing his work against Kira for justice. It was all a game to him. Besides he kidnapped Misa and Light and held them in captivity for months…"

"THEY WERE GUILTY!"

"They didn't remember it though…and what about that Lind Taylor guy? L just let him get killed…"

"He was going to get executed anyway!"

"As I was saying. It kinda sucks. I mean innocent people were being killed in order to find Kira."

"Are you a fucking idiot…Kira killed innocent people to keep from being discovered!"

"Wait a sec…" Miroku said thinking for a minute. "Never mind. Your right…I mixed up the characters…"

"How the fuck did you do that. You're a fucking dumbass you know that?"

"Anyway, it's so unfair all those innocent bystanders…"

"That's what I just said! You make no fucking sense sometimes you know that! You just wasted five fucking minutes of your life arguing about something you don't even understand…were you even paying attention when you saw Death Note?"

"I may have been otherwise intoxicated."

"Dumbass."

"You know what bothered me in one episode."

"I refuse to listen. You've ruined the show for me enough the last five minutes…"

"Ok, so remember when that deleting person killed Kira's annoying representative and his cronies. Those poor fucking guys. They may have been sleezeballs, but they were just trying to catch a break, they just got seemingly great jobs on TV and were able to pay the rent when…BAM! A fucking heart attack from their so-called leader!"

"What were you smoking when you watched this show?" Inuyasha sighed.

"It's rough getting caught in the crossfire." A random customer chimed in.

"Excuse me?" Inuyasha said.

"Hey…just overhearing what you said. I'm in the entertainment business…here's my card." He handed his card over to Inuyasha. "Anyway I'm hired out to do a commercial for a small company owned by a local mobster whose name I won't disclose. Still, even though the money was good I knew it was trouble so I gave it over to buddy of mine who took the job with out hesitation. Three days later there's an air raid on the set. Total fucking chaos. My friend got shot four times before falling dead. Look any guy taking a fucking job like that knows the risks man…a smart guy listens to his gut and not his wallet." The man smiled and bought a pack of cigarettes from Inuyasha. "Have yourself a good day." He smiled again and left the store.

"The people who walk into your store…" Miroku sighed. "Fucking weirdoes man. Fucking weirdoes…"

Inuyasha nodded in agreement.

* * *

I know it's been awhile; I'll try to update. The thing is I'm leaving the country in less than two weeks, I'll try to update on a daily basis and finish, but only if you guys help me and review right away. I just need two reviews a day to keep me going. What do you guys say?


	5. VAGARY and PURGATION

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha or memorable quotes and plots from Clerks.

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**TiffanyM**- I know! Such a poop face…tee hee I love Kouga!

**Komusai Matakatana**- Thanks…I'm getting worried I'm keeping it too similar…making changes are really difficult because I love the story so much!

**love-is-poison39**- Thanks. Originally the argument was about Star Wars, but I wanted to change it to more of an anime thing. I'm glad it worked.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE VAGARY

Miroku sat in the video store, lounging and reading the newspaper on the counter when a middle-aged female customer walked in. He sighed. Miroku hated it when customers came in to ruin his day. Couldn't he lounge around while manning the store in piece?

"They say so much about the movie, but they never tell you if it's actually any good." The woman mused to herself. Miroku decided to ignore it.

The woman didn't get the hint.

"Excuse me sir. Which one of these movies is better?" She said holding up two videos cases.

"I don't watch movies. They're the poison that will ultimately destroy mankind as we know it." He said not looking up from his paper.

The gave him a look. "Have you at least heard anything about them?"

"I find it best to stay out of this business. Like I said…it's poison."

"But you work at a video store! You're telling me you haven't heard a thing about either of these movies."

"Nope." He said simply.

The woman, fed up decided to see if he was actually paying attention. She turned around for a moment and then asked him again.

"Well what about these movies?"

"Oh. Those suck."

"THEY'RE THE SAME MOVIES! I switched them to see that you weren't paying attention! And I was right!"

"I don't appreciate your ruse lady." Miroku said.

"Excuse me?"

"Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. You wanted to make me look bad and you tricked me. I find that to be wicked and unnerving."

"I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention…"

"I hope it feels good."

"What feels good?"

"The incessant need to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others…"

"Ugh! I'm never renting here again!" She said and stormed out.

Miroku got up and ran to the door. "YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO RENT HERE ANYMORE!" He yelled out to the woman, which caused Kouga who was loitering outside to cheer for Miroku.

Annoyed at yet another customer he took his keys and locked up the store again, heading back to the convenience store.

* * *

"I just met the most annoying customer!" Miroku said to Inuyasha, sliding in front of the counter.

Inuyasha who was distracted by something far more entertaining pointed Miroku toward the refrigerators. There a befuddled looking, middle-aged man was sifting through various egg cartons.

"What's he doing?" Miroku said, suddenly feeling confused.

"He's just been opening all the cartons and inspecting the eggs. He told me he's trying to find the perfect dozen."

"Perfect dozen?"

"Each one must be perfect. As you can tell from the various open cartons he hasn't succeeded."

"Why doesn't he just mix and match?"

"That's what I said, but he yelled at me. He just started spewing this bullshit about standards. I'm getting pissed. Five more minutes and I'm calling the cops. I should have to deal with this shit. I'm not even supposed to be here today!" Inuyasha griped

Meanwhile a woman walked in.

"Two cartons of cigarettes please." She laid her money on the counter and then noticed the scene with the eggs.

"I'm just as puzzled as you are." Miroku said to her.

"Believe it or not, I've seen this before."

"No way." Miroku said. "You know this guy?"

"No, but it's happened before. And I bet you anything he's a guidance counsler."

"How do you know this?"

"I saw a guy like him at the supermarket last year. He's looking for the perfect dozen right?" The two men nodded. "Anyway I asked what was going on there and apparently it happens about three times a week. Maybe more."

"You're shitting me." Miroku gaped.

"I shit you not. It's called shell shock. It's only been found in high school guidance counselors though. Anyway it used to be a huge deal, but now they just let it go. These guys are actually harmless. They always clean up after themselves and pay for the damages."

"Why guidance counselors?" Inuyasha asked.

"Well wouldn't you go crazy if your job was that meaningless?" She said.

"Come to think of it…back in high school my counselor was kind of worthless." Miroku mused.

"You see boys, that's why everyone should seek out jobs that make their lives meaningful and make a difference. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination." With that she smiled and left.

Inuyasha and Miroku stared at each other for a moment and then back at the egg man, who out of frustration began throwing the eggs against the refrigerator.

* * *

**PURGATION**

While Miroku was manning the counter for Inuyasha during a bathroom break he read his paper as usual. When he saw a pack of cigarettes and money appear on the desk he absently took the money and gave back the change.

He didn't even realize he just sold a pack of cigarettes to a five-year-old girl.

Inuyasha came out of the bathroom.

"Ever notice how every price in this store ends in nines…kinda creepy."

"I wonder what it would be like to be a jizzmopper." Miroku said completely changing the subject as he read articles in his latest nudie magazine.

"A what?"

"A jizzmopper. They're the guys who clean up the nudie booths."

"What's a nudie booth?"

"Oh man. You haven't of a nudie booth?" Miroku smiled. "They're fantastic. So you go in this room and there's a girl behind a glass wall, kinda like a museum exhibit. It's ten bucks and she puts on a show for you."

"What kind of show?" He said, getting the cash register ready as a customer came up to buy a newspaper.

"She does all this crazy shit for you to get you going you know, like a private striptease, but way better. Like she'll insert anything into her body. Any hole!"

"Can we not talk about this now…" Inuyasha said, not really in the mood and slightly embarrassed for the customer.

"The jizzmopper's job is to clean the mess each guy makes after blowing his load. It usually ends up on the windows. It's kinda nasty, but if it's not cleaned right away nasty streaks form on the window…"

"I AM NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN!" The customer exclaimed.

"Excuse me?" Inuyasha said, taken aback.

"USING THAT DIRTY LANGUAGE INFRONT OF CUSTOMERS! YOU SHOULD BOTH BE FIRED!" He cried.

"Sorry sir, we kina got carried away." Inuyasha said.

"I don't think sorry will work. You highly offended me." He said, his voice getting higher.

"Well if you think that's offensive. Take a look at this." Miroku grinned and showed him the magazine article with ultra graphic picture.

The man ran out screaming.

"Miroku! God you're such an asshole! He's gonna come back and complain to the boss now!"

"So. He's too sensitive. I hate customers like that. This job would be amazing if it weren't for those uptight assholes."

"A customer is a customer…"

"Bullshit. Don't you ever just want ro rip into those idiots."

"Look they don't bother me. I don't bother them."

"Again. Complete bullshit! You're a liar. You know you have those customers who annoy the hell out of you day after day."

"There aren't."

"Stop lying. Vent. Vent your frustration man!"

"Ok maybe there are some annoying ones…"

"Like?"

"Well it's not specific, just types of them…"

"Like?"

"The milkmaids."

"The milkmaids?"

"The old ladies who go through every carton of milk, hoping to find that perfect gallon with the expiration date that will last then a decade."

"I can do with out the people in the video store."

"Which ones?"

"All of them." He said and went on to complain about all of his annoying customers.

Inuyasha decided to join in and vented as well.

* * *

"Don't you feel better now?" Miroku asked.

"No." Inuyasha sighed.

"Why not? You just vented your heart out. You should feel happy...released."

"Kikyo is getting married." Inuyasha frowned.

"Damn you've got a one track mind. It's always Kikyo, Kikyo, Kikyo…"

Then the door opened and Inuyasha stopped him.

"KAGOME!" Inuyasha called her name as she came in and walked over to her.

"I thought you were gonna be done by now…" She said.

"The guy never showed up." Inuyasha sighed.

"Figures." She looked at him sympathetically.

"Why aren't you in class?"

"Got cancelled. Anyway I drop by your house and your mother says you're still at work so I brought you some of my famous ramen casserole." She smiled.

"Really?" He took the lunch and look inside for proof. "Oh you're the best." He kissed her on the cheek. He smiled like a five year old boy.

"I'm glad you calmed down since our fight." She smiled. "Hi Miroku." She waved to him.

"THIRTY-SEVEN?" He called out.

Kagome shot Inuyasha a look.

"Yes, I'm feeling better. I'll live with it." He smiled.

Miroku then started making sucking noises.

"GO BACK TO THE VIDEO STORE MIROKU!" Inuyasha yelled, getting annoyed.

Miroku got up and left the store, patting Kagome's head as he walked out.

"You told him?" Kagome frowned.

"I had to tell someone, besides he put the whole thing into perspective for me…"

"How so?"

"At least I wasn't the thirty-sixth."

"And that made you feel better?" Kagome rolled her eyes.

"Also that they are a bunch of college guys I've never met…"

"So out of sight out of mind then…"

"Exactly." He smiled. "Thanks for the food Kagome."

"No problem" She smiled back.

"So when's your last class?"

"Um…eight, but I have a sorority meeting at nine. How about I meet you when you close. We'll go get coffee."

"Sounds great."

"I got class soon. I'll see you then. K?"

"Sure."

They kissed quickly and Kagome left as Miroku came back in.

The two friends stood quietly by the door until Miroku started making the sucking noises again. Inuyasha slapped the back of his head and went back to work.

* * *

There you go! I did a double update! Combining two chapters into one! Hopefully if I keep doing this daily I can finish before I leave! Wish me luck!

Please review!


	6. MALAISE AND HARBINGER

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha or memorable quotes and plots from Clerks.

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**TiffanyM**- Yeah…he's kind of a prick. He'll learn his lesson. Don't worry.

**love-is-poison39**- Thanks! Haha…yeah. You should totally watch the movie! It's way more incredible on screen!

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE

**MALAISE**

For once Miroku was actually trying to do his job when Inuyasha peeked in the door. Miroku was recommending a film to two young schoolgirls.

"So if you're feeling dangerous tonight I recommend _Star Wars. _I can't believe you girls haven't even seen it!"

"But we asked for a movie with Brad Pitt. He's not even in it!"

"He wasn't in _ET _either. What's your point?" Miroku sighed. What was with teenage girls these days? Still he didn't mind their skirt. They seemed to get shorter as he got older. He grinned at the girls who both shot him dirty looks.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Yo Miroku, can you cover for me a minute at the store I need to make a phone call."

"Yeah, just one question. _Star Wars_?"

"Best movie with out Brad Pitt ever!" He said giving a cheesy grin and left to go to his own store.

"Told you so." He said to the girls.

* * *

Miroku locked up his own store and went to go mind Inuyasha's. He sat bored behind the counter as customers bought what they needed. If a customer annoyed him he'd simply flash a page of his hentai magazine at them.

Most people seemed to scare away easily.

Meanwhile Inuyasha was trying to get a hold of his boss.

"What do you mean he's on vaction?…IN FRANCE!…No he didn't tell me he was going to be on vacation…he called me this morning personally…he said he would be coming in at noon…what do you mean his flight left at noon?…YESTERDAY!…When the hell was someone going to tell me about this?…Dammit!…When's he coming back?…THURSDAY! GODDAMMIT!…You've got to be fucking kidding with me! I have a hockey game in an hour! Oh and the fucking shutters wont go up!…Some asshole stuck gum there…DAMMIT!…He's really in France?…So I'm stuck here until closing?…FUCK! I'm not even supposed to be here today!…Ugh. This is great…I just can't believe…I'm sorry for yelling…don't cry, I didn't mean to yell it you…no, no I'll be fine…don't worry…I'll get over it…thanks." Inuyasha sighed and hung up the phone hard.

"France?" Miroku repeated, joining him.

"I can't believe this…"

"He didn't say anything when he called you this morning?"

"No. That stupid bastard."

"So then I guess you'll be stuck here all day like I am?"

"FUCK!" Inuyasha pounded the counter. Luckily no customers were around.

"So why did you say sorry?"

"Huh?" Inuyasha said, puzzled.

"You said sorry on the phone. Why? You don't have to apologize."

"I don't know. I guess I'm a pushover."

"More like a pussy."

"Fuck you."

"Touchy!" Miroku frowned.

"You know pisses me off most? I don't even get to play hockey." Inuyasha sighed. "Whatever, I call my brother and let him know the games off. Besides I think you have a customer waiting outside your store."

"Oh fuck me." Miroku pouted and headed outside yelling, "What? What do you want you scumbag of a slave to the media?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and called his brother. "Hey Sesshoumaru, I can't make the game today…I got called into work…I know it sucks…you're right I'm an ass licking bastard ok?…well Miroku can't play either." Inuyasha sighed and then thought of something brilliant. "Wait…we don't have to play in the park right?…You feeling limber?" Inuyasha grinned mischievously.

* * *

Within ten minutes the convenient store became a lockeroom as Inuyasha and his friends prepared for their hockey game.

"I can't believe this. Inuyasha I never thought that you of all people would do something that was such a blatant disregard of store policy." Miroku grinned. "Finally! I'm so proud. You're really becoming a man to admire." Miroku patted him on the back.

"Yo little bro, can I take some Gatorade?" Sesshoumaru said after getting his equipment together.

"No way! If I give you everyone else will want. I can't just give out free drinks anyway!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

Sesshoumaru stared him down for a minute. "Pussy."

"Well that's mature." Inuyasha rolled his eyes.

"So I heard a rumor Kikyo's marrying a Swedish designer. Sucks for you." Sesshoumaru added.

"Man, like adding salt to the wound. You sure no how to pack on the insults Sesshoumaru." Miroku acknowledged.

"I'm not talking about Kikyo right now."

"So it's true? And weren't you thinking aobut getting back together with her? Oh you poor motherfucker. Stop being in denial and putting your rage on us by refusing your friends and dear brother Gatorade."

"God! Fine if you want Gatorade so fucking badly you can take once we finish the first round."

"Ok, that works. Thanks." He gave a wry smile. "See you two on the roof."

Sesshoumaru and the rest of the guys headed outside.

"My brother is the biggest fucking asshole on the planet." Inuyasha sighed.

"Pretty much. Wait the roof?" Miroku suddenly realized and looked at Inuyasha in horror.

Inuyasha smirked. "The roof."

* * *

While the guys started their game up on the roof a customer came around and noticed what was going on.

"Hey when is the period over?" He said having climbed the latter.

"Ten minutes." Inuyasha said.

"No fucking way. I need my cigarettes!"

"It's only a few minutes." He said and skated away.

"Oh come on you can't even skate right. Your form is completely off."

"What right do you have to assess me?"

"I can assess you however I want asshole. And you know what I've assessed? You suck! You suck man! You suck!" The man pointed his finger at him.

"Oh yeah, why don't you grab a stick and show me your game asshole!" Inuyasha raged, his competitiveness coming out.

Meanwhile Hojo and another druggie stood in front of the door and looked up at toward the roof.

"Hey Inuyasha! You open?"

"NO!" Yelled the customer and Inuyasha together.

The two then looked at each other and with tension rising decided to play against each other.

Their game lasted for a total of two minutes when the ball fell off the roof and into the gutter.

"Oh shit!" One guy called.

Inuyasha groaned. "It's cool. Yo Sess! You got another ball."

"No I brought just the one."

"What the fuck!"

"Sorry asshole. I thought we'd be playing on low ground." Sesshoumaru glared and started packing up his stuff.

"Oh come on!" He looked down at people in the parking lot and yelled down to them. "You see any balls down there?"

"The biggest pair you've ever seen!" The man jeered.

"Fuck! I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!" Inuyasha groaned again and stormed off.

* * *

**HARBINGER**

After reopening the store Inuyasha began replacing a few of the light bulbs. A short, old man stood beside him.

"Be careful young man."

"I'm am." Inuyasha said.

"You can get cancer from that kind of stuff you know…"

"I hear that." He said again getting slightly annoyed.

"I had a friend in the circus who used to eat those light bulbs."

"And he died of cancer?"

"Nope. Trampled by an elephant."

Inuyasha gave the man a look. "Can I help you with anything old man?" He asked getting off the ladder and heading behind the counter.

"I'd like to use the facilities."

"For employees only…"

"I understand, but you see I am clearly an old man and as an old man I don't have the same control over my body and young, able-bodied men like yourself do…" He grinned widely.

"It's in the back to your left. You can't miss it."

"Thank you! What kind of toilet paper?"

"The white kind." He said, started to get annoyed.

"No. I mean rough or soft."

"Rough."

"Ugh…so uncomfortable. Rips up my hemorrhoids. Could I use the soft stuff you're selling upfront? Please?"

"I guess…" Inuyasha said, feeling sympathy for the old man.

"Thank you again! Could I also borrow a magazine?"

_What a freeloader… _Inuyasha thought. "Fine I guess…"

"I'd like that one!" He said pointing to the more private magazines in back of Inuyasha.

"The porno mags?" Inuyasha exclaimed in horror.

"Yes. I love the little cartoons…" The man grinned widely.

Inuyasha handed him one. "Will you leave me alone now?"

"Almost…can you give me the other one? Shows more stuff…" The man grinned widely again.

Inuyasha groaned and handed him the other one.

"I appreciate it son! Thanks!"

And with that the old man headed into the bathroom just as Miroku strolled into the store.

"Wow what a game!" Miroku grinned, leaning against the desk.

"One ball! And we lost it! I closed the store for this game Dammit! Stupid idiots! We hardly got to play." Inuyasha vented.

"Eh. Hockey is hockey Inuyasha. At least we got to play."

"Oh please it was barely a warm-up." Inuyasha whined.

"Bitch, bitch, bitch. That's all you do lately. Want a drink?"

"Yeah. Gatorade." Inuyasha said sounding annoyed.

"There isn't any." Miroku said, peering into the fridge.

"Exactly. My freeloading, asshole of a brother and his buddies drank it all."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch…" Miroku muttered under his breath again. "Anyway…" He said, changing the subject. "Guess what Sesshoumaru told me."

"What?"

"Tsubaki died."

"Tsubaki? My Tsubaki?" Inuyasha laughed. "You're shitting me."

"I shit you not. I'm serious man."

Inuyasha sat down. "Oh god. Holy shit."

"Sesshoumaru's been fucking her cousin. He found out this morning."

"How'd she die? When?"

"Embolism in her brain. Yesterday afternoon."

"Shit." Inuyasha looked down.

"She was swimming at the local YMCA. She died mid-backstroke."

"I haven't seen her in almost two years…"

"Wasn't she part of the famous twelve?" Miroku asked, referring to the group of girls Inuyasha slept with.

"She was number six." Inuyasha said, reminiscing.

"You had sex with a dead person." Miroku realized.

Inuyasha ignored him. "I need to go to her wake."

"No your not."

"Why not?"

"It's at four. Today."

"What about tomorrow?"

"Sorry, this show is one night only."

"SHIT! Miroku I need you to watch the store."

"No fucking way man, I'm going with you!"

"Whoa! Has it occurred to you that I'm grieving too?"

"You hardly knew her!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"True, but all our old classmates will be there. It's a reunion!"

"There's something wrong with you." Inuyasha shook his head. "How low are your moral standards?"

"I don't even think I've cracked the surface actually…" Miroku mused. "Besides, it's the social event of the season! Think of all the people!"

"You hate people." Inuyasha reminded him.

"I know, but I love gatherings. Isn't that ironic?"

"You can't go! I need someone to mind the store! Don't be a douche Miroku."

"If you go I go." He crossed his arms.

"You sound like a child! Miroku! Damn. She meant nothing to you."

"She meant nothing to you either, until you found out she was dead."

"You're not coming. I can't close the store."

"You did for the hockey game…"

"Exactly. Which means I can close it for another hour just so we could both go to a wake together!" Inuyasha stated, putting his foot down.

He wasn't going to close the store and that was that.

* * *

Inuyasha and Miroku sat in the car as they both drove to the wake.

"You were saying?" Miroku flashed his cheesy grin, getting his way yet again.

"Thanks for putting me in this situation. Closing the store twice…you're a great friend Miroku! I really should remind you of that more often." Inuyasha's voice dripped with anger and sarcasm.

"Glad to help!" Miroku said happily, his cheesy grin never leaving his face.

The two sat in silence for a minute.

"She was so young…" Miroku said.

"Twenty-two. Our age. Damn…and what a way to go. An embolism in the pool…how embarrassing…" Inuyasha shook his head.

"Nah. Nothing compares to how my cousin Kentaro died."

"Really? What happened?"

"Broke his neck."

"What's so bad about that?"

"He did it while trying to suck his own dick."

"Shut the fuck up." Inuyasha said, suddenly disgusted.

"What? I swear it's true." Miroku said holding up his hand.

"I said shut up!"

"I swear."

"Oh my god…" Inuyasha said, completely shocked.

"What? You've never tried?"

"NO!"

"Damn. You're so repressed."

"Because I never tried to go down on myself?"

"No, cause you won't admit it. You're not a pervert Inuyasha, just curious like every other guy on the planet. You've tried it. Come on just admit it."

"Who found him?" He asked, avoiding the question.

"Kentaro? My aunt. On his bed, doubled over himself with his legs on top. Dick in his mouth. My aunt freaked out. It was a mess."

"His dick was in his mouth?"

"Balls resting on his lips."

"Wow." Inuyasha whistled. "He actually made it…"

"Yeah…but at a price."

There was another minute of silence, but Inuyasha broke it this time.

"I couldn't reach…"

"What?"

"You know?"

"Your dick?"

"Yeah. I admit it. I tried it. Everyone does I guess. Sooner or later…"

"I never tried it." Miroku admitted.

Inuyasha glared at Miroku who simply grinned.

There was silence once again when Miroku broke it again.

"Fucking pervert."

* * *

"I knew I should have closed the store." Inuyasha said, instantly regretting his actions as they walked up the stairs into the funeral parlor.

"Oh stop worrying. Will I have to hear this the whole time?"

"At least when we were on the roof I could see if anyone wanted in…"

"Inuyasha it's four o'clock on a Saturday. Who would be there?"

Little did they know whole crowds of people were trying to get into the store.

* * *

"Run Miroku!" Inuyasha called out as they ran out of the funeral parlor ten minutes later.

A group of angry mourners chased after them.

Inuyasha dove into the car and started the engine. Miroku meanwhile stared at the crowd racing toward him like a deer in headlights. Inuyasha opened the passenger door.

"You stupid idiot! MIROKU! GET THE FUCK IN HERE!"

Miroku came to his senses and got in. Inuyasha started driving off before Miroku closed his door.

* * *

Haha cliffhanger!

Hope you enjoyed! Please review!


	7. PERSPICACITY AND PARADIGM

Diclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Clerks.

**Tiffany M**- Haha thanks for the review!

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE

**PERSPICACITY**

By the time Inuyasha and Miroku got back to the store it was already dark outside. Inuyasha slammed the door and headed to the store front to unlock the door. Miroku followed him.

"I can't fucking believe you!" Inuyasha said, furious.

"It wasn't my fault!"

"You knocked over her casket! The fucking casket."

"While I was trying to get your watch back! So technically it was your fault…"

"I didn't want it back because I knew something bad would happen…like you knocking over the fucking casket!"

"It wasn't that big of a deal…"

"Her fucking body fell out!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"They probably already put her back and I can assure you she didn't feel anything. Don't worry man, no harm done."

"Except for the fact that her family is probably scarred for life…" Inuyasha muttered.

"You worry too much. You seriously need to get laid…I can call Kagome for you…" Miroku grinned.

"Just go! Open your fucking store!"

"YEAH OPEN YOUR FUCKING STORE!" Called out a clearly high Kouga from the shadows.

"Shut the fuck up you damn junkie!" Miroku countered.

Kouga walked up to Miroku turned around and farted in his face.

"THAT'S IT!" Miroku lunged toward Kouga, but Inuyasha grabbed him.

"Just go to your store Miroku."

Miroku gave Inuyasha a look and then headed to his own store.

"We sure showed him!" Declared Kouga.

"Kouga, how many times have I told you not to deal in front of the store?" Inuyasha growled.

"I'm not dealing!" Kouga said holding up his hands in defense.

Seconds later a kid walked up to them.

"Hey Kouga. You got anything good tonight?"

"Yeah." He took out some baggies of pot. "What you want man?"

* * *

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and headed back inside the store.

Inuyasha was doing inventory when Miroku came back into the store.

"Can I borrow your car?"

"Why?" Inuyasha asked.

"I need to rent a video."

Inuyasha glared at him.

"What?" Miroku asked innocently.

"YOU WORK AT A VIDEO STORE!" Inuyasha said, exasperated.

"A shitty video store…" Miroku excused himself.

Meanwhile a customer came in.

"Can I get some cigarettes…hey cute cat! What's his name?" She asked.

"Annoying customer." Miroku said.

Disgusted, the customer left without buying the cigarettes.

"You're an asshole. Can't you ever be nice?"

"No. Can I borrow your car?"

"You know, we're employees to the public and while this job sucks we have a responsibility to man the store until closing." Inuyasha said, changing the subject.

"And I'm sure closing down the store for a hockey game and a wake are part of these responsibilities." Miroku challenged.

"The difference is I had obligations to do those things. You're request is impractical and gratuitous considering you actually work at a video store."

Meanwhile another customer walked in.

"You open?"

"Yes." The two clerks said together.

"You know I don't agree with your ideas." Miroku said continuing the conversation.

"Well you'll jut have to deal with you. You can't have my car, so go away Miroku. Be gone with you! Shoo!" Inuyasha waved off his friend, who refused to budge. Exasperated he turned to the customer. "Can I help you?"

"Pack of cigarettes and this paper." He said picking up a tabloid paper and started to read it.

"What's your point?" Miroku pushed.

"The point is you are a clerk and you are paid to be one. So do your job for once instead of skipping out and closing anytime you feel like it."

"Space aliens attacking at noon tomorrow…" The customer read. "Can you believe the shit they write in here? They'll print anything."

"They sure do." Inuyasha agreed. "That's 300 yen."

"So what your saying is that my title should dictate my behavior?" Miroku asked.

"Yes."

The customer began interrupting again by talking about koala fish and the world ending. Miroku kept giving the man looks to hint that he was getting annoying, but the man was clearly oblivious and kept going on.

"I think your views are very skewed."

"I think you're very lazy. You're not being asked to slay children or anything."

"Not yet." He said ominously sipping water.

"And I remember reading that damn paper last month…" The man started, but was cut off when Miroku spat the water in his face.

The man's face turned red.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"Sir!" Inuyasha grabbed a napkin. "I'm so sorry…he didn't mean it. He was probably trying to spit at me."

"Well he missed."

"Look…take the stuff for free and we'll call it even ok?"

"Whatever. I'm not coming back here again." The man said, sounding calmer and left.

"Why did you do that!"

"My title doesn't dictate my behavior…oh and I hate it when tools like that douche go on about the tabloids…"

"You're an asshole. You're a menace to the dead and the living."

"Can I borrow the car now?"

"Get the hell out of here." Inuyasha groaned and reluctantly handed over the keys.

"I know I'm your hero." Miroku grinned and left the store giggling the keys.

* * *

**PARADIGM**

Inuyasha handed a gallon of milk over to a muscular man.

"Sounds like someone needs a trainer." The man commented.

"What?"

"You strained picking up that milk. It only weighs like eight pounds."

"Did not!" Inuyasha replied angrily. "I sighed."

"I don't think so. That was a grunt: a deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. I'm a trainer. I know what that sound signifies: you're out of shape."

The two then started arguing back and forth about whether or not Inuyasha was in shape. When a female customer came in and the trainer decided to bring her into the argument.

"Hey miss, do you think this man is out of shape?"

"I'm not really sure…he's wearing a baggy sweater." She replied.

"He is." The trainer said.

"Am not!"

"How many do you bench?"

"I don't know…"

"I bet about sixty…seventy tops." The man assumed, checking out Inuyasha's body again.

"I can do way more than that. Give me credit asshole!"

"I bench about three-fifty." The trainer bragged.

"Wow." The girl looked at him in admiration. "Can I feel your muscle?"

"Go for it!" He smiled glad to show off more.

"Wow. That's tight! So hard!"

"Yeah…now feel his. Roll up your sleeve man." The trainer pushed.

"No fucking way."

"Because you're ashamed because you're out of shape. Here's my card. I'll train you free at your first session." The trainer handed Inuyasha a business card.

"Am not!"

Meanwhile a man in a suit and briefcase walked in.

"You open?"

"Yes." He then looked at the trainer and handed back the card. "Thanks, but no thanks. And I'm not out of shape."

"Excuse me, have you been here all day?" Asked the man in the suit.

Inuyasha nodded.

"He's got love handles…" The girl noticed.

"I don't have love handles." The guy showed off again.

"Were you here at four this afternoon?" The man asked.

"I've been here since six in the morning. Why?"

"I bet he's so out of shape because of working around this junk food all day…" The trainer decided.

"I'm not out of shape." Inuyasha declared.

"Can I have your name sir?" The man said.

"Inuyasha Takahashi. Why what's going on?" He said, suddenly realizing something was up.

"You're Inuyasha Takahashi? Oh my god! I hardly recognized you!"

"Because he's out of shape…"

"I'm not out of shape!"

"I'm Yura Adachi's sister…she used to hang out with…"

"Kikyo Hurano." Inuyasha smiled. "You're Yura's kid sister? No kidding!"

"Yeah…you once got caught in my parent's room once with Kikyo…"

"Kikyo…no way!" The trainer said. "Pretty girl, dark hair? Great piece of ass?"

"Yeah."

"And you're Inuyasha Takahashi. No way. I was fucking Kikyo while you dated her in high school." The trainer recalled. "What a coincidence…"

"WHAT?" Inuyasha gaped.

"Wait! Oh my god I remember you! You came by my house a couple times…Kikyo used to talk about you all the time!"

"You were the built guy with that hot black car…" The girl remembered.

"Wait! You slept with my girlfriend in high school?"

"Numerous times…girl was like a rabbit." He grinned mischievously.

"I remember Kikyo telling us about that motel room you two went two with the mirrors on the ceiling and the hot tub…oh and when you two pitched a tent on the beach and did it during a rain storm."

"WHAT? When did all this shit happen?" Inuyasha said, confused and hurt.

"Let it go man. It was all in the past." The trainer reassured him.

"What's next?" Inuyasha sighed.

And as if on cue the man in the suit handed him a paper.

"What's this?" Inuyasha looked closer. "A fine for 54,000 yen!"

"Whoa…54,000 yen. That's ridunkulous!" The trainer said.

"Why?" Inuyasha asked.

"You sold cigarettes to a minor."

"What? When?"

"At four this afternoon. The little girl showed her mother the cigarettes she bought and she called to complain."

"Little girl?" The woman said.

"Five years old." The man in the suit said.

"What the fuck. You scumbag." The trainer accused.

"There's some mistake…I didn't do it…"

"You said you were here all day." The man reminded him.

"That's sick Inuyasha." The woman said.

"The due date is on the bottom. This summons cannot be contested in any court of law. Failure to remit before the due date will result in a charge of criminal negligence, and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. Have a nice day." And with that the man left.

"Forget it." The trainer took his card that was lying on the counter. "I'm not dealing for a man who sells cigarettes to children.

"Same here. I'll buy my magazines elsewhere from now on." The woman said.

"Can I offer you a ride somewhere?" The trainer asked her.

"The beach." She smirked.

"I like the way you think." He smirked back and the two went outside.

Inuyasha sighed and looked at the summons. He knew he didn't sell those cigarettes to a five year old…the only explanation was.

"MIROKU!" Inuyasha slammed the counter angrily. "Dammit what's next?"

"INUYASHA!" A female voice called.

"WHAT?" He called back angrily and spun to face the door. "Oh my god." He said, realizing who it was. His expression softened. "Kikyo?"

* * *

Miroku entered the Big Lots video store and basked in its glory. Everywhere lay thousands of movies at his very fingertips. Any genre he desired: romance, action, adventure, comedy, romantic comedy, drama, horror, thriller, animated, etc.

Absolutely any movie available to the public was there.

Of course Miroku went straight to the porn section.

* * *

Inuyasha embraced Kikyo and then let go of her.

"I can't believe you're here." He said holding her hands.

"I just took a train Inuyasha. It's not that big of a deal…"

"It's a big fucking deal to me." He hugged her again.

Silent Sango came up to them and poked Inuyasha. Who turned around and gave her a look. Sango pointed to the cigarettes.

"Oh right. Hold on Kikyo." Inuyasha headed behind the counter and gave Sango her cigarettes.

"Yo where's the oil and matches?" Kouga came in and asked.

Normally Inuyasha would have asked about this, but he was too enraptured in Kikyo's surprise appearance.

"In the back." He said.

"So I saw Yura's little sister out front…guess who she was with!" Kikyo started.

"Let's not talk about that…" Inuyasha said.

Kouga came up to the counter to pay for his stuff.

"Yo Kikyo! Mazal tov!" He turned to Inuyasha. "Did you know she's marrying a Swedish designer?"

"I've heard."

Kikyo sighed. Kouga paid for his stuff and headed outside.

"Speaking of Kikyo, let's go have a talk." Inuyasha said and led her out the store.

As they walked past the storefront, Silent Sango turned on a boom box and Kouga started randomly break dancing.

"I'll never understand those guys…" Inuyasha said as he unlocked the door to the video store.

"Why you bring me here?" She asked once they got inside.

"Privacy. I need to talk to you. So you're getting married?"

"Sort of…kind of…" Kikyo said nervously.

"What the fuck does that mean? And why did you tell me. Everyone else seems to know…do you know how annoying it was to here from everyone about that fucking Swedish designer?"

"If I said anything I knew you'd stop calling me like the baby you are." She smiled.

"Not true!"

"So true! I know you Inuyasha! You like to be a drama queen instead of thinking rationally!"

"Did you just call me a drama queen?" Inuyasha frowned.

"So are you really getting married?"

"No."

"No!" Inuyasha looked up, his face brightened.

"Here's the story. He proposed to me. I said I had to think about it and he told me to wear the ring anyway. Then my mom sees it freaks out and tells the paper I'm engaged. Then this morning my mom called to let me know about the announcement and that's why I hopped a train to go see you because I knew you'd be a wreck."

"So you came here to comfort me? Meanwhile you'll just go back to Mr. Big Blonde Swedish Guy…"

"Oh please. Why are you so upset anyway? You knew I was dating people…" Kikyo crossed her arms.

"But I didn't think you were ready to walk down the aisle…"

"I'm not! I want to graduate and go to grad school. If I get married now I'll just end up a housewife. I can't do that I want a career. And trust me Sven is loaded and I would need one if I married him…"

"Sven? What a tool…" Inuyasha laughed.

"Oh shut the fuck up."

"So that's why you're not marrying him?" Inuyasha asked.

"Yeah, what else is there?"

"Me." Inuyasha stated.

"You are so full of yourself!"

"Am not! Come on admit it! That's why we're on the phone every night until who knows when!"

"Really? And If I'm so freaking in love with you then why am I having sex with a Swedish designer and you." She countered.

"That hurts. You're a bitch you know that!"

"Sorry, but I had to knock you off of that cloud you're on. I said I don't want to get married and I don't. Not for years. That's all."

"Well good. I don't want to marry you anyway." He crossed his arms.

"Finally you're getting it." She smiled and leaned against the counter.

"Let's date."

"Yeah…Sven and Kagome would love that wouldn't they?" She scoffed.

"We can introduce them…maybe they'd hit it off!" Inuyasha suggested.

"You're serious. You wanna date me again?"

"I want to be your boyfriend."

"Look you only want this because you haven't seen in me in so long…we may talk a lot, but I probably won't work once it happens. We've dated before and it didn't work out so well…"

"So we should just pretend over the phone that we're going out?"

"I don't know…let'sjust see where it goes…"

"Let me take you out tonight."

"On a date?" Kikyo smiled.

"Yes. Dinner and a movie."

"The typical Inuyasha date." Kikyo teased.

"You got a better idea?"

"Yeah, how about a Kikyo Hurano, walk on the beach then get naked somewhere private kind of date." She smirked.

"I hear you do that a lot…" Inuyasha frowned.

"Wait…here I am throwing myself at you, succumbing to your charms and you just called me a slut in so many words. Good going Inuyasha." Kikyo rolled her eyes.

"What about Sven?"

"What about him? He's just a boyfriend. Besides I came all the way here to see you and you're being an asshole…if you must know I'm gonna break up with him, which means my family and friends will ostracize me for my rash decision which was technically inspired by my feelings for you. There I said it. If I must make a choice I choose you Inuyasha."

Inuyasha just smiled at her.

"You asshole…this so won't work out…I can tell." Kikyo sighed.

"No true…I'll take you out when Miroku gets back. He'll close for me."

"Where is he anyway? I thought he would be stuck to you like your obedient little lap dog…" She teased.

"He's out…not sure when he's getting back actually…Dammit…"

"It's cool I got to go home anyway and let my mom know I'm not getting married. This should cause a rumble in the house considering my mom loves Sven. Anyway I'll come back later for our dinner and movie."

"What about the beach walk and the nakedness?" Inuyasha asked.

"I'm easy." Kikyo smiled. "But I'm not that easy." She kissed him chastely and left.

* * *

"I'm back and I brought entertainment." Miroku said to Inuyasha coming into the store and dropping it on the counter.

"Best of both worlds?" Inuyasha looked at the video.

"Chicks with dicks…I like to expand my horizons…" Miroku stated.

Inuyasha shook his head and told Miroku about the little kid, the cigarettes, the fine and how it was all Miroku's fault.

"Oh shit…why aren't you yelling at me?"

"Because I'm happy."

"About the fine?"

"Nope. I'm going out with Kikyo tonight."

"Now I know you're shitting me."

"I'm not. She came to tell me personally she wasn't getting married."

"Damn. Now that's a twist I didn't see coming."

"So you'll lock up for me tonight?"

"If I must. You got a VCR."

"Don't watch that here…"

"Fine, I'll bring mine from the store…wanna watch?"

"No fucking way." Inuyasha said walking away.

"Come on! Chicks with dicks Inuyasha! Chicks with Dicks!" Miroku called out, scaring away yet another random customer.

* * *

I know that was ridiculously long, but I needed to finish this story by early Thursday…please review and I'll update as fast as I can…maybe even twice a day.

Thanks for reading! Please review!


	8. WHIMSY, QUANDARY AND LAMENTATION

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha or memorable quotes and plots from Clerks.

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**TiffanyM**- Yeah…don't worry…she'll come back fighting next chapter.

**love-is-poison39**- Glad you enjoyed…don't worry she'll be back in the last chapter!

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE

**WHIMSY**

After Inuyasha left to go change for his date Miroku got his special movie up and running. The movie was hitting it's climax, pun intended, when Kikyo walked in and began watching it behind Miroku.

"Miroku…you know most people would be turned off and shocked to find someone watching this out in the open, but with you I'm not surprised." Kikyo greeted him.

"Well, well, well if it isn't Mrs. Swedish Designer herself!"

"You know about that too!" She groaned. "God isn't it awful! My mother's doing of course…"

"She must really like him." Miroku guessed.

"You'd think she was one marrying him. So what are you watching anyway?"

"Children's programming. So what did mother say when she heard you weren't marrying that big, soft blondie boy?

"I'm not allowed home until graduation."

"That's rough. So you got thrown out for Inuyasha then. I don't get it…" Miroku said, casually insulting his friend.

"What can I say? That boy does weird things to me." She smiled.

"Can I watch?" Miroku grinned.

"It may be disappointing as I'm not a hermaphrodite…" She said, referencing the video.

"It's a rare gift…so you think you and Dante will work out this time?"

"Woman's intuition Miroku. Something's telling me I need to ride this feeling out."

"Well I'm sure you'll be riding Inuyasha really soon…" He smirked.

"I forgot how much of an asshole you were."

"Anyway I'm thinking about ordering dinner. You eat Swedish meatballs?" He teased.

"Dick." She glared at him.

"Exactly." He smiled.

Kikyo rolled her eyes. "Where's Inuyasha?"

"Changing for the big date."

"He's so great." Kikyo said dreamily.

"No, this is great." He pointed to the porn.

Kikyo looked at the TV and then at Miroku in disgust.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom."

"No lights back there."

"Why not?"

"The light turns off at 5:14 everyday no matter what."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not. Anyway no one can figure it out. They'd called the electrician, but the boss won't pay because he owes the boss money."

"That's unfortunate."

"Sometimes I'd rather just pay him. As much I want to prove my undying loyalty to the boss I also have an unfailing desire to pee with the light on…"

"I guess I'll manage." Kikyo said and headed toward the back.

"Kikyo wait."

Kikyo turned to him. "Yeah?"

"Break my best friends heart again and I'll kill you. Nothing personal."

"You're so overprotective of him. It's just the same as in high school. I guess some things never change…"

"Well, technically he was mine first." Miroku crossed him arms.

"Aw that's so cute!" She ruffled his hair and headed toward the bathroom.

* * *

**QUANDARY**

"Hey." Inuyasha said, coming into the store wearing a nicer sweater and good jeans.

"Looking good. Oh and Kikyo's here…actually she went to the bathroom and she's been there a while. Maybe you should go check on her…" Miroku remembered.

"There aren't any lights back there."

"I told her, but she really needed the potty…you should go back there with her and make some bam-bam." He grinned.

"I love your sexy talk. It's so kindergarten! Wee-wee…poo-poo…"

"Fuck you." Miroku said.

Meanwhile Kikyo finally came out of the bathroom and walked toward Inuyasha with an overly satisfied grin on her face.

"Hey you. How'd you get here so fast?" She grinned.

"What do you mean? I left about an hour ago."

"Are you always this weird after violating a woman." She smirked and wrapped her arms around him.

Inuyasha and Miroku looked at each other confused.

"Maybe she lit up with Kouga and Sango before coming in." Miroku decided.

"Sounds about right…" Inuyasha agreed.

"Promise me it'll be like that always." Kikyo said goofily wrapping herself around Inuyasha.

"Like what?" Inuyasha lifted his brows.

"Letting me do all the work while you just lay there…it was so hot."

"Now I'm definitely confused." Inuyasha looked at her.

"I think something's missing here…" Miroku agreed.

"Remember when I went to the back. This boy was waiting up for me…if you get my drift." She winked.

"Um…Kikyo…" Inuyasha said, starting to get worried.

"You dog you!" Miroku hit him playfully. "I didn't even see you go back there."

Inuyasha looked distressed.

"And the fact that the lights were on…oh man!" She growled and hugged Inuyasha tighter.

"It wasn't me." He said, horrified.

"Yeah right. Who was it then? Miroku?" Kikyo joked, not believing him.

"Was it you?" Inuyasha looked at his friend accusingly.

"I was here the whole time." Miroku looked just as shocked.

"Guys quit it." Kikyo laughed nervously.

"I'm serious"

Kikyo stood there silent for a moment. "So you didn't just have sex with me in the bathroom?"

"No."

Everyone fell silent.

"Guy's stop joking around…this isn't funny." Kikyo said, freaking out.

"I'm not joking. Who went back there Miroku?" Inuyasha asked.

"Nobody I swear!" Miroku said.

"I'm feeling nauseous…" Kikyo said, looking pale.

"Are you sure someone was back there?" Inuyasha asked Kikyo.

I didn't just fuck myself!" She exclaimed, hitting Inuyasha and then clutched her stomach. "I'm gonna be sick."

"You just fucked a total stranger?" Miroku gaped.

"Shut the fuck up!" Inuyasha yelled at Miroku.

"I'm gonna faint." Kikyo paled even more.

"Call the police." Inuyasha told Miroku.

"Why?"

"Because someone back there just raped Kikyo!" Inuyasha held Kikyo.

"Oh god." She said weakly.

"But I thought she said that she did all the work?" Miroku realized.

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?" Inuyasha blew up.

They were all silent again for a minute when Inuyasha asked the ultimate question.

"Who's in the bathroom?"

* * *

It turned out it was the old man who had asked to use the bathroom hours before. The police came in and found him dead with a smile on his face.

"Who is he?" The coroner asked.

"I don't know. He came in and asked to use the bathroom." Inuyasha answered honestly.

"What time was this?" She asked again.

"Um…Miroku what time was the hockey game over?"

"Three."

"And what time was the funeral?"

"Four."

"Wait a minute. Who was working here then?" The coroner asked.

"Me." Inuyasha answered.

"Wait. Didn't you go to a hockey game and funeral."

"We both did."

"Who watched the store?"

"I closed it up."

"You closed it with this man inside?"

"I forgot he was back there... Everything just happened so fast…" Inuyasha looked down, ashamed.

Meanwhile the attendants wheeled the body out of the store.

"Was he alive when Kikyo…" Inuyasha started.

"No. He probably died around three-thirty."

"Then how was Kikyo able to…"

"No. The body can retain and erection even hours after death…did he have the adult magazine when he came in."

"No I gave it to him." The coroner shot him a look. "He asked me for it!"

"Anyway I need to get results from the lab, but I think he died while masturbating. His heart seized and he died. Then the girl found him later…"

"Wow…this must be the weirdest thing you've ever been called in for." Miroku wondered.

"No, I've seen weirder. Once I came to take in a guy who killed himself while trying to suck his own dick." She recalled.

Miroku gasped.

"What's going to happen to Kikyo?" Inuyasha asked. Worried.

"She's in shock right now. This girl will need years of therapy after something like this. My question is: how did she come to have sex with the dead man in the first place?"

"She thought it was me." Inuyasha sighed.

"What kind of store are you running here?" The coroner asked.

Inuyasha and Miroku shrugged and the coroner left to file some reports.

"Hey Inuyasha?"

"Yeah Miroku."

"Do you think she was talking about my cousin?"

Inuyasha shrugged and watched as Kikyo, wrapped in a blanket and basically catatonic was taken away in an ambulance.

* * *

**LAMENTATION**

Completely bored Miroku began playing with chips and salsa. Making the chip look like a fin swimming in the salsa he started humming the jaws theme and began quoting the movie. Inuyasha stayed quiet.

"You haven't said a thing for twenty minutes. What the hell is with you?" Miroku said, setting the chips and salsa down.

"My life."

"Your life?"

"Why do I have this life?" Inuyasha whined.

"Have some chips. You'll feel better."

"I'm stuck in this pit, earning less than slave wages, working on my day off, dealing with every backward fuck on the planet, the fucking steel shutters are locked all day, I smell like shoe polish, I've got an ex-girlfriend who's catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks!" Inuyasha vented.

"Thirty-seven." Miroku said, feeling the need to correct him.

"My life has gone to shit. Can you just let me vent on my own?" Inuyasha said, exasperated.

Meanwhile Miroku went to attend to a customer. When he returned he had a lot more to say.

"You're full of bullshit. You know what's wrong with you?"

"The fact that I exist."

"You need to shit or get off the pot."

"What?"

"You heard me. You have this weird malady and it prevents you from improving your pathetic life so you can complain about it."

"Fuck you."

"If you hate this job so much, the people and the way you're treating my them and your boss then you should just quit and stop complaining about it."

"It's not that easy."

"Sure it is. You're just a lazy son of a bitch who likes the comfort of a terrible dead-end job you can always complain about."

"And your life's any better?"

"I'm ok with my life. I don't bitch and complain every chance I get, unlike you who did it all fucking day."

"Why don't you go back to the video store now?" Inuyasha said, getting annoyed.

"It's the same with Kagome."

"Leave you out of this." He said over protectively.

"You like dating her because she's low maintenance and convenient, but all you've done while dating her was pine for Kikyo. This is a girl you dated in high school. Fucking high school!"

"Leave me alone." Inuyasha groaned.

"Let me simplify this for you. If you want Kikyo, then let Kagome go. If you want Kagome then be with Kagome. Don't be an asshole and pine for one while you fuck the other. Just do it and stop being such a fucking coward."

"I wish I could simplify everything like you do…"

"Sure you can. You just choose not to."

"Besides the way things went down tonight I destroyed any chance I had with Kikyo anyway." Inuyasha groaned, thinking about how quickly the night went sour.

"You mean because she fucked a dead guy. Please. My mom's been fucking a dead guy for thirty years. I call him dad." Miroku stated.

"I guess Kikyo and I are impossible…" Inuyasha began to realize.

"Here we go again…" Miroku rolled his eyes.

"It's not that simple Miroku. Look I can't just change my life."

"Sure you can. Just get off your ass and do it."

"Look I can't just risk my comfortable life for the chance of a big prize. It impractical at the very least…"

"Excuses…yes you can. Stop being so fucking afraid."

"I CAN'T!"

"So you'll just spend the rest of your life a miserable wreck? And this is all because you don't have the guts to try and change?"

"My mother told me once that when I as three, my potty lid was closed, and instead of lifting it, I chose to shit my pants." Inuyasha recalled sadly.

"What an epic tale."

"The point is I'm not the type of guy who will disrupt my life just so I can shit comfortably."

And with that he got up leaving Miroku to let it all sink in.

* * *

Well wasn't that dark and dramatic?

I hope you all enjoyed! I'll have the last chapter by the end of tomorrow! Please review!


	9. JUXTAPOSITION, CATHARSIS AND DENOUMENT

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha or memorable quotes and plots from Clerks.

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**TiffanyM**- Don't worry it's understandable...I think you'll be very satisfied with Kagome in this chapter...

**love-is-poison39**- Yeah it's by far the craziest fucking scene in the movie...and even though it was so dark it was just too funny!

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE

OK my lovely readers! I happily bring you the conclusion to **CLERKS**! Enjoy!

**JUXTAPOSITION **

Inuyasha was doing some more inventory work behind the counter when Kouga came into the store with Sango following after him. He went to the fridge and took out a few sick-packs of beer.

"_Smoking weed, smoking weed! Doing coke! Drinking beers!"_ Kouga sang and then approached the counter. "I'll take this fine merchandise my good man. It's been a long, hard day at work, but now it's time to kick back, drink some beer and smoke some weed." Kouga declared happily.

"Done corrupting innocents for the day?" Inuyasha said.

"Hell yes! Not really sure what that means though…" Kouga looked up for a second, thinking about it and then continued. "We're gonna head out to a party down town and get drunk, high and hopefully laid.

"Ok, that'll be five hundred yen." Inuyasha said.

Kouga went through his pockets. "Pay the good man." He told Sango, who rolled her eyes and did so. Then Kouga looked to Inuyasha. "You closing soon?"

"About a half hour."

"So we end work around the same time. We should chill together. You get high?"

"I should start…" Inuyasha decided. Considering how awful the day was he could use some good relaxation.

"Wanna party tonight?"

"With you…" He looked Kouga up and down. "I don't think so."

"So you're prejudice against drug dealers then." Kouga said, insulted.

"Nothing personal." Inuyasha admitted.

"So what happened with that old guy?" Kouga asked, having seen the man taken away just an hour or so before.

"He died in the bathroom."

"That's fucked up. I heard he was jerking off."

"I don't know I wasn't there when it happened." Inuyasha said, not wanting to go into it further.

"Probably saw that Kikyo girl. I knew I was ready to beat off when I saw her…" He grinned.

"Don't talk about her like that. She used to be my girlfriend." Inuyasha said, getting protective.

"You went out with her." Kouga eyed Inuyasha in disbelief.

"Yeah and we may even be getting back together."

"Don't you already have a girl?" Kouga asked.

"Kagome."

"Kagome…mmm that girl is hot! And you're gonna dump that fine piece of ass for that Kikyo chick?"

"Maybe." He answered, still unsure of who to pick.

"I don't think it's a good idea man. That Kikyo chick's nice. But I see that Kagome girl doing shit for you all the time. She brings you food, she rubs your back...Didn't I see her change your tire one day?" He recalled.

"I jacked the car up. All she did was loosen the nuts and put the tire on." Inuyasha crossed his arms defensively.

"Oh that's all?" Kouga said sarcastically. "Damn, this girl really goes out of her for for you. You're an asshole."

"Well…she is my girlfriend…" Inuyasha supposed.

"So, all my girlfriends do is steal my weed." Kouga thought for a minute. "My granny used to say: 'what's a good looking plate with nothing on it.'"

"What the hell does that mean?" Inuyasha asked.

"I don't know…she was senile…used to piss herself all the time." Kouga sighed. "I'm out of here. You're pissing me off you fucking asswipe! Come on Silent Sango…let's blow this joint!" And with that Kouga let the store for the night.

Silent Sango stood there and to Inuyasha's surprise began to speak.

"You know, there's a lot of beautiful women in the world, but most of them wont bring you your favorite lunch. They usually just cheat on you. Trust me I do it all the time." She stood there for another minute, staring him straight in the eye and then left.

Inuyasha stood there for a moment, letting in all sink in and realized something.

"She's right. I'm in love with Kagome." Inuyasha smiled. "I love her."

* * *

"So that's it. He doesn't love you. He wants to go back to Kikyo." Miroku told Kagome in the video store after a long heart to heart with her.

Kagome looked down, processing it all.

"He told you all of this?" She asked.

"Basically, except for the whole Oedipus Rex Complex prt…that's just my own little theory..." Miroku explained.

"I'm not sure what to say here…" Kagome shook her head, dumbfounded.

"Look don't beat yourself up about this. This is all Inuyasha's fault…he's never been able to get Kikyo out of his system." Miroku sighed. "Look I don't really know how to act in this situation. You want me to leave so can cry or something?"

"I'm not sad." Kagome told him.

"You're not?"

"No I'm furious! I can't believe this! All this time he's been waiting to get the courage to dump me…he can't even do that! He fucking sent his friend to do it for him!"

"Wait…Kagome, Inuyasha never ask me to…" Miroku tried to explain, but Kagome cut him off.

"After all I've done for that asshole! And he wants to be with that slut Kikyo! Fine…I don't care anymore. He can have his slut!" She exclaimed.

"Um…" Miroku started awkwardly. "You think you can give me a lift home tonight?"

Kagome ignored him. "I think I should have a little talk with that stupid asshole…"

She stormed out, slamming the door on the way out.

"Kagome wait!" He called after her, but she was already gone.

"I should be worried about this right? I mean Inuyasha would have done it anyway if he had the guts…I got the ball rolling. I'm just looking out for his best interests. That's what friends are for right? I just did him a huge favor. He'll be grateful wont he?" Miroku reassured himself and went about his own business.

Meanwhile Kagome was already at the store beating up Inuyasha.

"Ow! What was that for?" Inuyasha said holding his knee.

"If you didn't want to see me anymore why didn't you just tell me? Why did you lead me on and see that slut behind my back?" She yelled.

"What are you talking about?" He asked confused.

Kagome kicked him. "You've been talking to Kikyo on the phone for weeks!"

"Only a few times…" Inuyasha fibbed.

"And you're the asshole who starts freaking out because I've gone down on a couple of guys…"

"A couple?" Inuyasha scoffed.

"At least I wasn't talking to some slutty ex-girlfriend and sneaking behind your back! And if you think thirty-seven is a lot well your wrong mister because I'll be breaking that record soon enough with all the guys I'll be going down on now that I'm single again you cheating, lying bastard!" She seethed.

"Kagome…just let me explain." Inuyasha tried to interject, but couldn't.

"Explain what? How were waiting for the perfect time to dump be so you could go back to her?" She replied bitterly.

Inuyasha stood up and took her hands. "Look, you have to believe me, it's not like that. Not anymore…I realized something…"

Kagome angrily kicked him again in the knee sending Inuyasha to the floor, crying out in pain.

"You're damn right, but only because I won't let it be like that. You want your slut Kikyo? Fine! You have my blessing." She glared at him.

"I don't want Kikyo…I want you Kagome." Inuyasha pleaded.

"You don't know what you want! Inuyasha I can't just sit here and hold your hand while you finally decide. I've tried to hard, but I'm tired of it. All I've done was encourage you to get off your ass and go back to school and get a better life so you can take charge of your fucking pathetic life and find direction. I even transferred schools so maybe if you were interested I would at least be with you to help you out. Everyone told me it was a bad idea, that you were bad new, but I loved you and wanted to help you get out of this awful funk you fell into when that bitch dumped you oh so many years ago. And you really want to go back to her so you can get more of that?" Kagome asked him bluntly.

"I don't want to go back to her…" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"Of course not. Not now that you've been caught. You're just trying to get out of what you were really planning. Well I won't let you Inuyasha. I want to see you follow through on this and go back to that whore. And when she dumps you, no if, when because it's so obvious to everyone, but you I want to be there and when you see me you'll realize you made the worst fucking mistake of your life." She exhaled and grabbed her purse. "I guess I'm lucky that Miroku had the balls to tell me all about this. To think I was so fucking blind to all of this shit!"

"Miroku?" He said weakly.

"And having him break up with me for you…I never knew how low and spineless you were…now I finally know the truth!" She grabbed her purse and left the store.

"Kagome…I LOVE YOU!" He called out to her.

"FUCK YOU!" She called back.

And then she was gone.

* * *

**CATHARSIS**

After closing the video store Miroku went to go check on Inuyasha. He peeked inside the store and looked around.

"Inuyasha?" He asked, getting a strange feeling.

Suddenly two hands clasped around Miroku's throat and yanked him down to the floor. Miroku looked up and saw it was Inuyasha choking him to the ground. In self-defense Miroku threw his fists into Inuyasha's midriff, throwing him back into the magazine rack. Miroku then jumped to his feet as Inuyasha charged at him again. Miroku tumbled into the cakes as the products scattered beneath and around him. He grabbed a pound cake from the floor and hit Inuyasha in the head with it, using the opportunity to scurry down the middle aisle. Inuyasha leapt to his feet, and Miroku then grabbed the shelves, knocking aspirin over until he shrieked and sprayed something in Inuyasha's face. Inuyasha pawed at his eyes and then Miroku came at him with Italian bread and smacked it into Inuyasha's face as he rushed toward Miroku blindly.

The two continued to fight and proceeded to completely mess up the store.

* * *

A few minutes later the two men emerged out of breath. Miroku leaned against a candy rack and Inuyasha stayed down, lying on the floor. All around them was messes of food and damaged goods.

"How's your eye?" Miroku broke the silence.

"It's ok." Inuyasha told him reluctantly. "Just really red. It'll probably swell up too. Uh…how's your neck Miroku?"

"It's hard to swallow." He said weakly. "You didn't have to choke me…"

"Why the fuck did you tell Kagome about Kikyo?" Inuyasha shot back.

"I was helping you out."

"Thanks." Inuyasha said bitterly.

"You were telling me how difficult it was for you to change, so I decided to get the ball rolling for you…"

"Shit."

"You still didn't have to choke me." Miroku frowned.

"You're lucky I didn't succeed in killing you." Inuyasha said, peeling off a piece of pound cake from his cheek.

"Why would you say that?"

"Forget it." Inuyasha sighed.

"What? Was I really so wrong in what I did?" Miroku pushed.

"Yes. Miroku sometimes it seems like your job isn't working at that video store, but instead making my life miserable."

"How can you say that?" He exclaimed, taken aback.

"You came to work an hour late and then all you do is come over here…"

"To talk to you." Miroku excused himself.

"Which means the video store is always closed…" He countered.

"It's not like I'm miles away or anything…" He pouted.

"Unless you're at the other video store…"

"Chicks with dicks Inuyasha! I got it for us to watch together and have a laugh!" He replied innocently.

"You got me slapped with a fine, I have to fix everything when you start fighting with my customers, you got us kicked out of a funeral and to top it off you ruined my relationship with the perfect girl. What's next? Are you going to anally rape my mother while pouring sugar into my gas tank?" He seethed.

Miroku looked down.

"And the worst part?" Inuyasha continued. "I'm not even supposed to be here today…"

Miroku looked back up, suddenly outraged.

"Fuck you. Fuck you pal! Listen to you trying to pass the blame again. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to attend a wake? Who tried to win back an ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You wanna blame somebody, blame yourself."

Now it was Inuyasha's turn to look down. Miroku continued.

"I'm not even supposed to be here today…" Miroku mocked Inuyasha's words. You sound like an asshole. Whose choice was it to be here today? Nobody twisted your arm. You're here today of your own violation, my friend. But you'd like to believe that the weight of the world rests on your shoulders-that the store would crumble if Dante wasn't here. Well, I got news for you, jerk: This store would survive without you and without me too. All you do is overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job: You push fucking buttons. Any moron can waltz in here and do our jobs, but you're obsessed with making it seem so much more fucking important so much more epic than it really is. You work in a convenience store, Dante. And badly, I might add. And I work in a shitty video store. Badly, as well."

Inuyasha looked up at him, letting it sink in, but Miroku wasn't finished.

"You know, that guy Jay's got it right-he has no delusions about what he does. Us? We like to make ourselves seem so much better than the people that come in here, just looking to pick up a paper or-God forbid-cigarettes. We look down on them, as it we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, then what are we doing working here?" Miroku stood up, kicked over the candy rack and stormed out.

Inuyasha sat there for a while and contemplated Miroku's brutal, but true words.

* * *

**DENOUEMENT**

After their big fight Inuyasha and Miroku silently began fixing up the store. When they were finished Inuyasha walked Miroku to the door.

"Well the floor looks pretty clean." Miroku observed. "I hid some of the broken crap next door…"

"You need a ride?" Inuyasha asked.

"No I got one, I think she's here already." He said looking out the door.

"Ok, you'll be at work tomorrow?" Inuyasha asked.

"Same time." Miroku nodded and smiled. "What about you?"

"I'm gonna take a sick day. I'm gonna visit Kikyo in the hospital, just to check on her and let her know that I don't think it'll happen between us. Then I'm gonna go to Kagome and try to work it out with her, if she'll even speak to me…" Inuyasha lamented.

"Wanna go grab a ride to eat when you finish that and I get off from work?" Miroku asked hopefully.

"Yeah. Sounds good I'll give you a call tomorrow." Inuyasha smiled.

"Well I gotta go…you want me to talk to Kagome too? Maybe if I explain myself…" Miroku started, but Inuyasha interrupted him.

"No…I think it's best if I just talk to her. The two us have a lot of shit to work out."

"Well it's been a helluva day…" Miroku laughed solemnly.

"It really has." Inuyasha agreed.

"Why don't you do one of your little dances out of the door for me?" Inuyasha grinned.

"No…" Miroku shook his head.

"Come on." Inuyasha challenged and began singing a random tune he remembered Silent Sango's strange little brother singing. _"Here goes Miroku, here he goes…he's a berserker…na na na…"_ Miroku grinned and snapped his fingers as he wrangled out the door.

Inuyasha shook his head and laughed again when Miroku threw his car keys to him.

"You closed." Miroku stated.

And feeling positive that his life may finally be back on track Inuyasha happily closed the store.

* * *

Yay! It's over! I hope you enjoyed!

Well to all of you readers I'm still finishing up my story, _**Wonder What Happened**_, but after that's done, hopefully by tomorrow I'm taking a year long break as I'm studying abroad. Don't worry though. I'm not gonna be too gone, I'll be lurking and reading. Maybe if I have a chance I'll write a random one shot. Anyway it's been swell!

Please review!


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